Nickname: Lil' Goose, A.K.A. D-Money

Bio: As seen in the Cody Beer Mile, Destin is the only person in DSM, maybe the world, who can projectile vomit multiple times and still have older women literally run to him. Destin outs himself as the oldest member of DSM by still having a Hotmail account. Lil' Goose despises violent people but loves violent music. His advice for all the criminals out there- "You just need to chill out." D-Money parties so hard that he's missed day 2 of Riverfest more years than Baby D has been alive. If ever you see a DSM sticker, it's because of Lil' Goose's #tagtheplanet campaign.

Nickname: Baby D

Bio: While he has been kayaking for about 6 years, his skill set makes it seem like it's his first season. David's favorite place to beater is "anywhere Mom can watch." Baby D's most recent trip to Canada gave him his first taste of being an adult, which was quickly squashed when he crossed back into the USA and went back to being the kid in the group...well, more of an intern, really. David's greatest weakness is his lack of game. He once tried to pick up a chick by telling her that he was in a kayak group called Dat S#!t Mank... He’s currently single and living in an apartment with his parents.

Nickname: Taylishious

Bio: Taylishious is a social media sensation… This is what he tells himself anyway. He believes that pictures go a long way when hiding how bad you beater. Evidence of this can be observed in his profile picture as he appears to be soaring over the lip of Mesa Falls. In reality, he almost swam. When he’s not boating, he’s either yelling at kids over XBox Live or drinking himself into a Gout-induced paralysis. Taylishious wears a drytop that is two sizes too small because he says, “It reminds me of my mesh tanktop.”

Nickname: Snow Lip

Bio: Every group needs a guy that would bring bear meat to a BBQ. While Snow-lip and Lil' Goose have polar opposite dietary restrictions, they make for one heck of a drinking team. Scott once read a book on the dangers of drinking. To this day, Scott does not read. Although Scott might be the softest guy in the group on the inside, his horse-shoeing palms will make you think you just shook hands with a belt sander. Snow Lip's "best day ever" scenario involves waking up before everyone else, wearing long sleeves, and checking his blood sugar.

Nickname: J-Rad

Bio: J-Rad used to be Wyoming as Folk, but now hales from the Lyme Disease Capital of North America, New Hampshire. Jerod lives close enough to the Ottawa river to make it all worth it to his friends. His house is now referred to as the "DSM's East Coast Kayak Hostel." Jerod's favorite saying is "Dang nature, you scary."

[Quietly Googles dobsonflies and backs away in horror.]